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Another poem

okay so I had to write a poem for preschool lab about child abuse so I thought I'd post it on here.  Its the shortest thing I ever written but I'm not good at writing about something I've never actually been through.

Daddy's large fist, red on my face.
Mommy screams in disgrace.
His hands smell of sweat and dew.
My face is now black and blue.

Mommy screams "No, Stop!  She's just a little girl!"
But that didn't stop daddy from giving me one more hurl.
Daddy's now in prison, and mommy's in distress
Because that night, daddy laid me to rest.

 

Like it?  Love it?  Hate it?
Let me know people :]

I was editing it and changed two small things, which one do you guys like better?(if any)

Daddy's large fist, red on my face.
Mommy screams in in so much disgrace.
His hands smell of sweat and poo.
My face is now black and blue.

Mommy screams "No, Stop it!  She's my little girl!"
that didn't stop him from giving me one more hurl.
Daddy's now in prision, and mommy's in distress
Because on that very night, daddy laid me to rest.


Posted on 12/03/2007 6:45 PM Visits: 11
curiouskhrys: 12/03/2007 6:52 PM
aw, that's sad! but it's still really well written =) *buzz*
curiouskhrys: 12/03/2007 7:22 PM
i actually like the second one better, me thinks. i think it has more emotion behind it, you know?
craziexmaddy: 12/04/2007 12:14 PM
omg thats sooooooo sad but yaa it was rlly good very well written
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